it’s true kb.
it’s true kb.
If your boyfriend tells you to lose weight, you should absolutely do as he says. Drop 150 pounds instantly by dumping his stupid ass and then go eat a pizza like the beautiful bitch you are
i am never gonna tell my gf to lose weight. she is pretty fucking awesome as she is. can I have pizza?
Me when there is no WiFi
anna kendrick looks hot while confused at an airport
anna kendrick always looks hot
I second that motion.
yay 100 followers!! thank you guys and girls for the support. i really do this to please my self, but to know 100 people like it too is a big bonus. stay classy, tumblr.
Anonymous asked: Describe the best sex you've ever had.
The best sex I ever had. It was a while back (several months) and I don’t remember all of it because we were both a bit drunk. I have to preface this by saying I don’t like taking advantage of drunk girls and nobody should ever do it, but she wanted me even when she was sober and so I thought (and always make sure before you even try) that she consents. For some reason, the alcohol in my system coupled with me not getting off in the last 4 days made my cock feel like it was hard as iron. My cock raged inside her for close ot half an hour, her body shaking violently under me every 30 seconds as orgasm after orgasm washed over her. she really couldn’t make words other than “oh my god” and “fuck yes” which I was absolutely fine with :). i played with her clit as she rode on top of me and her pussy tightened up so well it was like she was trying to pull all of me inside her. the tightest i have ever felt, and it was spectacular when I got her off with her clit, her pussy muscles tightening and contracting on my cock as she rode me. after that half hour, I got a really good angle and thrust after thrust was hitting her cervix with the tip of my cock. I felt my cum building in the base of my cock and she told me “i feel you getting bigger. are you gonna cum?” I nodded my head and, the hottest thing any girl has ever done for me, she wrapped her legs around my back and made sure I could not pull out. this sent me over the edge as I shot my pent-up load deep inside her, her orgasm in sync with mine as we both came, an earthquake of sexual euphoria shaking us. I must have came for like 15 seconds as my balls kept ejecting spurt after spurt of cum in her tight pussy. i felt lightheaded after I was through and then we rolled over and she held me inside her as she talked about how that was the best she ever had. all I could do was smile and say the same. I could barely form words. (note: I knew this girl had an IUD so it was okay to cum in her. nothing is perfect when it comes to not getting pregnant, but i hear IUDs are like second to none)
"Should I have a baby after 35?" - "No, 35 children is enough." I LAUGHED SO HARD.
almost lost it on “alimony”
SPREAD THE DAMN WORD
THAT WAS COOL
My hands are too small to do this effectively.
I wish I wasn’t iPod
if you’re on ipod you just hold down the reblog button
wtf just happened??
I didn’t mean to do that, but now I do
i was standing on the bus back from uni and the driver suddenly braked really hard and this girl like flew across the bus and somehow i caught her and without thinking i said ‘i think you just fell for me’ and i shit you not the entire bus applauded me
NEWS UPDATE the girl has just added me on facebook
dude, you got mad game.
|Guy in my class on the topic of the school trip:||Wait. There's only two beds per room? Whoa. No way. I am not sleeping with one of you. I'm not, like, gay or something. Cant we just pay for another room? Like, I'm not gay.|
|His friend:||Dude just because we're sharing a bed doesn't mean you're gonna be waking up to a fresh cup of my dick up your ass|
Anonymous asked: Well then I expect a birthday card.
i will give you a special “you’re a mom” card for your birthday.
Anonymous asked: Draw me like one of your French girls.
okay. *grabs sketch pad* lay on the couch and act french. *makes studious leo dicaprio look* *scribbling scribbling* *admires nice breasts* i’m done!! you may be thinking “what the fuck? it looks like a stick figure with big boobies”, and you would be correct in that observation. im a sucky artist. the only thing I draw are really inappropriate messages to my friends on greeting cards that have absolutely no relevance to anything they are going through in life. friend just got married? Get well soon!! brother had a birthday? sorry for your loss!! (i have really gotten off topic)